7/29

I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you get better. But right now, being away from everything is the best thing for you. I've been worried about you going down this dark path for the last two years. I hope that your family is going to be able to get you the help that you need. You're a wonderful person, and I love you to death. Best friends shouldn't have to deal with stuff like this. However, I will always be here, waiting for you to get better.


I hope you're okay right now. I have no idea whats going on because your family won't tell me anything. I'm hoping that you'll call, and everything will be clear for me. I have no idea what's going on. I don't know where you are, what their doing to you. I'm so worried. I couldn't stop crying at work.


You're mother pissed me off.

  - That's nothing new.



I can't wait to hear from you.


I need to know you're okay.


I love you.

7/15

I like some things that people view as bad.


I like doing these things.


I don't understand why you think I'll stop, because you want me to.


It's clear you have no idea who I am.


You can leave my life at any time--


But that's right, you won't.


So, let me do it for you.


Not all drugs are bad.


Not all whores are gross.


Not all adults know whats best.


You sure as hell have no idea how to handle your own life.


So why the fuck do you think you can control mine?


I'm a fully functional working adult.


Don't worry about my life.


I've got that covered.


I don't have a problem.


I don't do these things everyday.


I don't need them in my life.


They don't control me.


I control me. 


Try being a friend.

Who am I.?

My name is Britanie Lee Williams. I am a beautiful twenty-one year old female that has a lot of emotional problems. Most of the time I have no idea why I have these problems. There are so many other people in the world that have worse going on in their lives, and yet here I am. Crying and bitching about things that are happening to me. Poor little Britanie, can't even help herself. Well, so what.? I don't have to be strong all the time. I've tried talking to someone I shouldn't of. I just.. needed to say I was sorry, for everything that happened. I didn't mean for things to end how they did. I don't feel bad for ending the relationship. I wasn't happy, and hell, you even told me you we're bored. I only talked to you because.. I feel like I'm having an emotional brake down. I feel like I'm losing it. I'm not happy, but you know what.? It's okay to be sad.


It's okay to cry, but you need to understand why you're sad.



So let's think about it. Why am I sad.? I'm a very lonely person for starters. I have about three.. or around five good friends that I can really count on to be there for me when I'm upset. Maybe just make that three. Sometimes I don't know if the rest even care. I have a problem when it comes down to trusting people. I miss being in a relationship. I don't want to rush into anything, but I miss being held at night. I miss having a person that I can really be myself around. I miss having someone love me.. and care for me.. and just be there for me, no matter what. 


I lost someone who I thought wouldn't ever go behind my back. I should of listened to everyone else. I blocked them out, hoping that you wouldn't do something like that. But you did.. why didn't you just tell him no. I don't need to go into that. Thinking about it just makes me depressed even more. Anyways, anything thing, I'm sad because everyone that I think I can trust, do something to end that very fast. Other then my main three (or five) people, I don't trust a damn soul. I'm to fucked up for that. Maybe that's why I'm not with anyone, who knows.



I have a lot of hate for people that have wronged me. I need to learn how to let it go. That's why I like to drink, I forget things. That's why I've tried.. other things. They scared me.. but they made me feel good. So its okay. If I didn't have her in my life, I'm pretty sure I'd end up killing myself. She keeps me happy, and seeing her as happy as she is now, gives me hope. She's an amazing person, and a wonderful friend. I want to grow old with her, I want our children to be friends. To be just as close as we are to each other. She's my best friends, I love her so much.



She's shown me that I'm a beautiful woman, and things will get better.



My name is Britanie Lee Williams, and I am an amazing woman.