Bad Thoughts.

I've been having a lot of really bad thoughts running around my head for the last few weeks. Everything had been coming to a head and I'm trying my best to not have a break down like last time. I keep thinking about killing myself. Note: I don't want to die, however the thought keeps popping up in my head. I'm sick of having to deal with all of the bull shit in my life. My Mother not doing what she needs to do to get better. She may end up dying next because of it. I miss Nana, she would always know how to get me out of these funks. I miss Arianna and how much fun we would have. I miss being able to smile. I miss being happy all the time. I wish all of this would just go back to normal. I feel like I'm losing everything in my life. I feel like I'm falling and I'm ready to hit the fucking ground.