Fact.

I don't need anyone to make me feel beautiful.

3/13

  1:11

I'll be the bad guy if I must.

It's stopped hurting a long time ago.

3/12

  2:11 a.m.

I feel like I'm bugging everyone again.

I don't want to tell them that.

Would they care?

Most likely not.

I miss you,

But I don't dare bring you back into my life.

You're like poison to me.

And you,

Why did I let you go?

What the fuck was I thinking?

You,

You're perfection.

I hope she makes you happy.

I hope she gives you something I couldn't.

But I know you don't care.


I've been craving coke again, and it's really killing me that I can't get my hands on it. I've been trying everything I can to keep myself from thinking about it. But it's hard, very hard. I dream about it, and I get so pissed off that I don't have it. But I don't want it at the same time. I know what you all think of me because I've done that shit. I hate myself for it.

But that doesn't mean anything, seeing as I hate myself for a lot more then just some stupid fucking drug.

Crack Cocaine kids.

It's no fucking joke, don't fucking do it.

I make myself sick.

Goodnight.

I mean Goodmorning.

Whatever. 

You.

Fuck you.

You,

Bitch,

Cunt,

Twat,

Whore,

Liar.

Dear Soul Mate.

Hey there, I hope one day I'll be able to meet you. I don't know who you are, or where you live, but I'm sure one day I'll be able to see you. Maybe I'll see you walking down the street, or maybe at the store. Maybe I've already met you, and you were to scared to say anything to me. Or maybe, I was to scared to talk to you. There are some things you should know about me, being my soul mate and all. So I hope you'll understand these, and maybe, just maybe, you could learn how to love me.

I'm a very hard person to love, and I never seem to understand why. I try my best to do everything I can to make people happy. But maybe that's the problem. It could be that I'm a try hard, and I want everyone to like me. How would you feel about that? Do you think you could love someone like that? Maybe I'm to loving, maybe I shouldn't care so much. But hey, if it was like that, it wouldn't really be me now would it.?

There will be times when I just want to cuddle and fall asleep with you. Then there will be some nights where I'm a pure vixen. However, there are some nights, when I don't like to be touched. I'll shake, shiver, and cry. From some dark things in my past, I hope you'll understand how I feel. I will do my best to keep you not only happy in our romantic relationship, but in out sexual relationship as well. I can be whatever it is that you want me to be. As long as you're with me, and only me.

I love children, and I'd love to have some. I'm not sure how you feel about them, but I've always wanted to be a mother. To take care of someone, to take care of the children that comes from our love. I want to show them from right and wrong, and I want them to grow in an environment where they shouldn't be scared or worry about who they grow up to love. I want to show them that it doesn't matter, as long as their happy.

I cry a lot, and sometimes I don't even remember why I start to cry. Sometimes it just has to happen. I hold a lot of stuff in, and I know that's not healthy. I don't like to worry people how whats wrong with me. Sometimes I feel like no one should care, and some nights I stay awake wondering why no one does. Would you? Would you ask me what was wrong? Would you worry over me? Would you hold me in your arms and never let go. Could you handle me?

I can't wait to find out. 

3/4

I don't know if its really depression that's the problem anymore. I always seem to miss out in one way or another. But I just don't know anymore. Is it really worth getting upset over anymore? Shouldn't I just be happy? Why can't I just stay that way, happy. I can't fake it anymore, it's truly starting to seep in. So now, my mask is coming off. I will no longer put on a smile when I'm not happy, I should talk to people more, let them in on my life. Even if they don't care all the time, it's nice to even have some people who care about me half of the time. My life is nothing to cry about.

I don't want to drink.. not by myself.

I don't want to get that low.

I wish you were here. You seemed to put a smile on my face again. I thank you for that. I thank you for being there for me, holding me, and listening. Even if I'll never have you, I'm happy to keep you as a friend.

Maybe one drink wouldn't hurt..