4/29

I think I've gotten over you.

No longer am I sad when I don't hear from you.

It's gotten to the point now where nothing seems to bother me.

It's all for the better.

Next year I'll be moving, I'm hoping everything goes well.

I only have to wait thirty-two more days.

Normally I don't care for my birthday that much.

But my best friend is going to be here.

I'm so happy. 

Doll Dream.

I had a dream that I was a doll. I didn't start off at a doll however. I was asleep in bed, and out of no where, someone grabbed me, and pushed me outside. As soon as we got outside I felt one of the men who had taken me, hit me over the head with something blunt. I'm not sure if it was a gun or what. After 'waking' up, I saw that I was in some kind of medical room. What was odd about the room was that there we're like demonic symbols. Not sure if it was really demonic, but it felt evil. There were three men in the room with me. Two of the men we're next to me (as I was in a medical bed), and the third one was wearing a lab jacket.


All of their faces were darkened, and I could only really here laughing. They we're talking about some kind of medical brake threw that they we're about to show to the public. It was able to keep someone young forever, and they might even be able to keep that person from dying (if well taken care of). Needless to say, they cut me open, and started taking things out that they said I "didn't need". Mind you, the only things that we're left, were my heart, my eyes, and my brain. As this was going on, it looked as if the room we we're in started glowing this gross green color. I'm guessing it had something to do with the 'demonic' symbols that I talked about before. I'm pretty sure that's why I didn't die as they took out my organs. 


The last thing that I can remember is waking up and looking at myself in the mirror. My body was made out of wood, I had a new body, face, and hair. I was able to speak, but all I was able to do was cry. They made me into a beautiful monster, and it made me sick. The human emotions that I had told me to end it, so I wouldn't have to deal with what those men did to me. So I tried to kill myself. It didn't work. They kept me under their watch, so i was never able to harm myself. They would dress me up, and show me off around the world. Like I was some kind of new trend. So I did what they wanted, and acted as such. I was their doll, and I did whatever they needed me to do.


When I tried to kill myself, I used fire. FIRE didn't burn a WOODEN doll. Whatever they did to me, kept me that way forever. They painted a smile on my face, and my eyes couldn't even cry. No one knew what kind of pain I was in.

4/20

10:15 a.m.


It's getting to a point where I'm becoming numb again. Not being I'm not in a relationship, not because of my depression, but because I just feel so lost. I don't know what I should be doing. All my thoughts are just jumbled in my head. Some times I feel like crying helps, but then the numbness comes back. I don't have any need to be crying, but it's an emotion. It makes me feel somethings. I'm growing to the point where I just don't care anymore. That's not a good thing. I always have something going for me, something pushing me. But.. I just don't seem to have that anything.


I just don't know anymore.


Sometimes I feel like a lot of these people I call friends just want to use me for shit. A lot of them tell me that others are. But I feel like everyone is now, in one way or anther. Most of them only talk to me when its good for them. Whenever I need you, where are you? Out doing something, to busy to talk. Do you guys care? I just don't see it. This is why I'm leaving, this is why I'm going to just leave everything and go somewhere else. What's the point in staying when I don't have anything keeping me here. 

L. S.

It hurts to talk to you.

I don't want to slip up and say something stupid.

You're beautiful, and the world should be given to you on a golden platter.

I hope she makes you happy.

I hope she keeps a smile on your beautiful face.

You're a queen, and should be treated as such.

My Eyes.

   It takes a lot of people to understand me. It's not like I'm trying to hide anything, but I have this problem where I'm scared to open up to people. I fear that everyone will dislike me, think I'm weird, etc. I also tend to hide my feelings a lot. Not because I don't want to open up, because trust me, I do. But because if I get to emotional on people, they might freak out. You see, I'm a very emotional people. When I'm happy, it'll seem like I have beams on light coming from me. When I'm sad, I'll cry, a lot. I try not to cry, but that's because I'm a rock for a lot of people. I have no time to be upset. If you ever ask, I'll always tell you that I'm fine. There will always be one way to tell how I'm feeling. That my friends, would be my eyes.

   You will always be able to tell how I'm feeling just by looking me in the eye. So please, just don't ask anymore. People who know me could tell you that I have very amazing eyes. I don't like to think their so awesome, to me, their creepy. My eyes change color, and I hate it. Each color has its own type of meaning/emotion to go with it.

   Blue: Happy.

   Green: Sad.

   Grey: Mix Emotions/Unsure.

   Brown: Unknown. (This has only happened one time, for the life of me, I can't remember what or how I was feeling when my eyes turned brown.)

Random thoughts.

You make me rethink things,

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.



Maybe one day I'll be able to drop this bad bitch act.

I don't act like this when I'm by myself.

I'm a very sweet person.

I can't help it that I have a bad temper.

I'm happy that some of you guys can see that.



I feel sick.

I want to stay home.

I have work.

I just want sleep.