Painful and Awkward Thoughts.

I just don't understand it. How could you do something like that, and openly tell me. Did you really think that I would be there for you? Do you honestly think that anyone could love you after telling them something like that? After what you already knew what's happened to me before in the past. How could you sit there and tell me you love me. You did nothing but lie to me, and even told me that you did. How could I trust anything that you said? You love me? If everything you told me today was the truth, then I don't want your love.

Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time, and take back everything that I've done. Someday's I wish I never knew your name. Someday's I wish I never befriended you. Then there someday's when I wish I never loved you. I was so happy when we we're together. I don't know what happened to us. At this point, I don't care anymore. What you did to her was wrong. You made me hate a girl that did nothing but love you. You cheated, and broke her. You make me sick. I hope that one day, you'll understand why we can no longer be friends. I would hope, that you could see why what you did was wrong, why I no longer love you. 

You know, I thought that moving on would be a lot harder then it has been. I've reconnected with a wonderful man. He may not know it, but he's truly something wonderful. He's not clinging at all, and that's really weird for me. I'm normally all about the overly clinging people. But this.. this is nice. He's a little bit of a goof ball at times, but its cute. He's adorably awkward at times, and he seems to know how to get me to smile. I try not to be a creep, but I am a clingy person. I cling to everyone, even him. He's like me in some ways. But not all ways, he can really piss me off from time to time. About ten minutes later I realized that I flipped out on him, feel like shit, and yell at myself. I guess you could say that I'm a jealous type. Even though he's not mine. I just get that way, I don't know why.

Just remembered he reads this sometimes. Oh well, I've got to far to go back now. I will not rewrite a new blog for tonight. He most likely wouldn't of gotten this far. He has really bad ADHD, I act like it bothers me. But it's really cute. I'll never tell him that. I like yelling at him when he plays with his phone way to much. He gets so upset when it's about to die. I'll let him use mine when it does die. I don't mind. He's a good guy, I'm happy I have him in my life. I like when we talk a lot. Even if it's just about stupid stuff. He even lets me cuddle him when I want. He even plays with my hair, that makes me melt. It even makes me fall asleep, I almost fell asleep on him last time he did it. At the same time, I feel like he would kick me off of him.

He's a really sexual person for being so awkward. 

Is that awkward for me to say?

I don't have any idea.

I think I want to cut my hair. I love my hair being long, but some times I just miss my old short hair. I don't know if I want to go blonde again, or if I want to keep my red hair for the fall and winter. I wonder what he likes. Eh, I don't know. I think I look good with short hair. Last time it was, I think it turned a little bit orange. I don't remember how that happened, but it did.